The EX Syndrome

 Nothing slowly kills relationships like comparison.

We often reprimand people never to compare themselves or their spouse with someone else.

 But there is one person no one has ever mentioned because we think they are not significant but they are usually the first comparison, the silent relationship slayer: have caused so many to reject proposals, be depressed, and the reason why so many said goodbye.

The first comparison in almost every relationship is the "EX", and the  comparison comes in stages

1. Before the relationship starts

As a girl, before accepting a proposal you want to be certain he is better than your EX, so if your EX had no car, you want the new guy to have a car/cars, and probably a house, and lands too.

You don't wanna date someone your ex is better than (that is going from frying pan to fire now).

And that's another reason you stalk your EX, just so you say hey his current girl/guy isn't a competition. You feel better when you perceive you're better and feel bitter if they are better.

Sometimes out of revenge, we make it harder on who's ever coming next.

2. In the new relationship

No matter how much we love someone, they will sometimes possess an attitude we can't live with.

So when you are in a new relationship, the attitude you hated in your EX you don't see them anymore but most of the things you enjoy doing with your EX you don't do them with your current partner because they are not crazy enough, or too crazy so you miss the good part of your EX.

At this point, you attempt to mold and shape your partner into being like your EX just to have the same fantasy you once had.

Your Ex is the yardstick.

3. We just want something different

When your friend asks about your new r/ship we often say things we wanted our EX to do but they never did and our current love is doing them.

Check this out!!!

Have you ever asked a friend about his/her new relationship and he/she goes...

Male reply

She is good, she dey like cook, she no dey nag (maybe na because we just start), and she know how to talk to person and no dey too demand unlike....

Female reply

He supports my goal, he makes me happy, he is funny, and can you imagine he wash my clothes sometimes he cooks too.

He is so sweet where has he been all my life? Thank God xxxx broke up with me oh, l would have been spending my time with the wrong person.

(If they both had an awesome past relationship, their reply will be different).

Note: The relationship is new so we look out for reasons to be happy we left our EX or they left. So we are focused on the flaws of our EX.

If you constantly think about your EX then it's proof your current partner hasn't filled the space your EX made. 

If you can't fix things with your EX, focus on understanding your partner and initiate the kind of fantasy you enjoy.